‘’I am not talented. I am not talented enough. I cannot achieve this/that because I’m not gifted. S/he is so lucky because talents s/he has got.’’
How many times has such a hidden silent monologue taken place in our heads? How many times have we stopped any action to make our dreams come true?
90% of people think they have no talents at all.
What makes us believe we are not talented? Our beliefs of course. I want you to ask yourself two questions:
Where do my beliefs come from? Are my beliefs really mine?
I can assure you that more than 90% of ‘our’ beliefs are not ours at all; they come from all we have assimilated from our social background we were growing up in. We have absorbed beliefs about money, luck, love, happiness from people we trusted, we followed, we loved, we believed in, from our idols and gurus when we were young.
Can we have any our opinion about luxury cars if we hadn’t or haven’t had any of them in our life? We can admit that they are good or bad only if we have our personal experience of possessing and driving such a car.
Can we admit that enormous richness drives to happiness or sadness if we have not been not as rich as Croesus even once?
Can we really say that something is good or bad without having our personal experience about a thing? Most of our opinions are repetition of someone’s else opinion. Most of our beliefs are another people’s beliefs we use to treat as ours. The same thing happens when it comes to our belief about our talents.
As a youngster I was unlucky lucky thus having not-so-good childhood I became a national swimming holder and a member of National Swimming Team. I became a multiple record holder thanks to my mother’s fear. One day me and my parents were on a beach and suddenly my mother saw my father carrying me on his shoulders and entering cold wavy sea. My father was drunk that day. She couldn’t stop him taking me ‘swimming’ not only that day. I was 6 years old. She was scared so much that she decided to have me teach swim in a real sport club. She couldn’t stop him drink, but she could make me learn how to swim. It doesn’t mean she believed I had a talent.
Despite the fact that no one in my family believed I was talented — I was lucky. There was a coach in a swimming club who made me believe I was talented. When I call my life as a swimmer into my mind, I start swearing it and praising it as well. That time, with years spent in a swimming pool, made me understand that success is born from a talent and a hard, hard work, supported by loneliness and rejection. But I was lucky because there was one person who believed in me and supported me with trust and a wise coaching. Some of my national records haven’t been beaten till today.
Unfortunately, we all are victims of victims. We were brought up to this world by parents who raised us in the way they believed it was the best way. Although the word ‘the best’ comes from ‘good’, it doesn’t mean that the way we have been raised was a good one for us in our present life. That way just reflect our parents’ beliefs of how a child should be brought up. I did it to to my (adult now) daughter. I bet she wouldn’t say I did my job as a mother in the best way at all;)
Before you let yourself believe you are not talented, you have first to examine where your main beliefs come from. Your beliefs about:
- your ability to achieve goals
- your skills to be a go-taker
- you having no talents
- the reason why it is not you who should win
- you are not good enough
The pole position to start with reframing ‘your’ beliefs is: do I have my own, 100% my own, experience in such a thing/action/event?
When you start re-building your beliefs about yourself you will be like a toddler who is learning how to walk: one step — failure, 3rd step — failure, 8th step — failure, 20th step — failure. And you’ll learn how to walk eventually.
The only way to build our trust in ourselves lays in facing our fears of shame. Fear of shame is humans’ biggest obstacle to achieving personal freedom. Fear of shame is our biggest inner enemy. It is not about a fear of rejection. It is about a shame we can feel when rejected by people, family, colleagues, boss, etc.
My writing may include some mistakes. I am not a native English, I have learnt English by myself. Should I be afraid of publishing an article because of the feeling of shame of my not-perfect-English writing? I try to learn how to walk … in English. I am leaving my comfort zone willingly without cold sweat of a fear of shame. I am more than keen to be taught.
The fact that someone has already learnt how to walk doesn’t mean s/he will not fail as an ‘adult walker’. We will fail from time to time. So what? Are you afraid of being criticised by other victims? Really?
Believing in our talents plus our hard work to make them live is the best we can do to discontinue this crazy, insane chain of being victims of victims.
Life is about facing and overcoming our fears. As the life pass on you will understand that you don’t need to be tough to be strong.